I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
