So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
