I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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