eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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