Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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