hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
