1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
