And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
