I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
