We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
