lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i think i have herpe
just one?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
