he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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