I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my shit smells like andre
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
