haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
