is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
