Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
