I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
