Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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