just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
