Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think I just sharted jello shots
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
