So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
