I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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