It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
