What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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