Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
