you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
