I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
In America we eat man semen.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
