I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
