I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
