He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
honey bunches of taint.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
