Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
