oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
