You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
