Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
