We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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