the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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