Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
