listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
