oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
