i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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