i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
