I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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