I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
