I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
