you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
