We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
