Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
