Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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