she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
