I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
