I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Sober January is a disaster.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
