Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
