that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
