My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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