Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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