I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize