dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
