So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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