It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
