I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
