I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
