Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
