im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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