Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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