if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
