Farmville is her only friend.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
