your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
