just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
