Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
