and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
