Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
