saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
