Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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