she looked like the before picture.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
