I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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