my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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