why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
