I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
