i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
