Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
