If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
