My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
