Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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