I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
