I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
