I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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