Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
