I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
