Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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