98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
