Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
