I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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