Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
